Kiasu Parent or Proactive Parent?

We started Beth on Kumon Math in Dec last year.

For any parent who is contemplating enrolling their child, be warned.

The Kumon method, like Yamaha and Shichida, requires active parent participation.

You can't just drop off and pick up your child and pay the fees every term (or month, as in the case of Kumon).

Your job is to make sure your child does their Kumon workbook every day. And did I mention you are expected to MARK it?

There's even a method to the marking. You don't tell your child what the correct answer is. You just mark it up so they can redo the problem, then when they've correctly completed the corrections, you mark up the page to 100. There are stickers for reaching a certain level, trophies for excellence which are given out at the year-end party.

It's probably why the system works - everyone (child, parent, supervisor) knows what's expected of them and does it properly. Over and over, holidays included. No exceptions.

Beth is already chafing at the regimen of daily repetitive work. She is the laissez faire type who has the brains but not always the self-discipline and persistence needed to produce consistently good work. Hence Kumon Math is a good thing to have in her life. Better to work her hard in the early years, then it will be easier for her as she goes up to higher grades.

The other day, she was at a friend's place for a play date and the mums were having a chat. One of the mums, who is from HK, said they had to leave because her son had a lot of homework. We're still having summer holidays but he has homework because he goes to James An in Box Hill (45-min drive each way) for tuition in English, Math and General Ability.

So we're not the only kiasu ones.

Interestingly, whether in SG or AUS, it seems the Asian parents tend to be the more "on" ones, sending kids to Melbourne High for Chinese and Math tuition and Xin Jin Shan for Chinese classes. At least half Beth's music class is made up of Asian kids. The demographic is even more obvious when you go to the annual Yamaha Music Concert - it feels like the event is dominated by Asians. When you chat with Asian parents about their kids' education, a common aspiration is for their kid to get a scholarship to Westbourne Grammar or Suzanne Cory.

There's a hilarious yet insightful commentary on HuffingtonPost responding to Amy Chua's article Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.

The list of no-nos is chillingly familiar:

• attend a sleepover

• have a playdate

• be in a school play

• complain about not being in a school play

• watch TV or play computer games

• choose their own extracurricular activities

• get any grade less than an A

• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama

• play any instrument other than the piano or violin

• not play the piano or violin.

You would think after barely surviving my Tiger Mother's parenting model, I would be the last person to put my kids through the same.

Let's just say I prefer a more introspective and inclusive approach, without throwing out the baby with the bath water.

As I wade through the complex array of academic and extracurricular options available, I try to reflect on the pros and cons of each and to consider Beth's preferences, bearing in mind that at the age of 8+, most kids aren't (developmentally) in a position to think long term. It's a maturity issue. If I were a kid, I wouldn't want to slog either, unless I already liked the subject/activity.

Even with this process, I frequently run up against my headstrong firstborn's inclinations, which (naturally) tend towards instant gratification and having her own way. She can read all day and never do anything else. A life without piano practice, Kumon or Chinese classes would be her idea of bliss, but where would that leave her when she has to prove herself against her peers?