When we first arrived, we were astounded by the complete absence of titles in greeting people. Children call adults by their first names. Church leaders, from the elders to the pastor, are just Russell or Alison or Paul. Bethany calls her Sun Sch teacher Tricia, not Aunty Tricia or Teacher Tricia. My neighbour's kids call me Serena.
After nearly 6 months here, we've had ample time to consider views from both sides of the great divide. From those who believe - and insist strongly - that Asians should maintain their traditions regardless of where they are and who they are with, as well as those who believe in doing as the Romans do and assimilating as much as possible.
Our view is simple.
When we're among locals, we do as they do. Greet with a hug and peck on the cheek (this one's been tricky, for me anyway). Dispense with titles. Don't bother taking off your shoes if visiting someone at home. Say "see ya later" when leaving.
With our Sg friends who live here, we do like we would back home. Beth greets the adults Uncle/Aunty. We automatically remove our shoes before entering the host's home. We say "Bye Bye" when we leave.
Why the double standards, you might ask. Isn't it confusing for the kids? We don't think so. On the contrary, we want to teach them to behave appropriately for the occasion. And that means knowing how to adapt themselves in any social situation so that they put others at ease.
Maintaining one's culture and identity, especially when living abroad, is not just about adhering rigidly to "our way", especially if doing so may make others uncomfortable or make us appear standoffish. If we must stand out, it should be for the right reasons and at the proper time. After all, true security and self-esteem does not lie in mere titles or salutations.
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